Tube Lines, that lot who run' and maintain' the Northern Line, published their quarterly performance report last week. As you might expect, they missed their performance targets on the Northern Line (apparently because of problems with the fleet').

From January to March (92 days), there was a grand total of 22 days without infrastructure failure affecting the service on the Jubilee, Northern and Piccadilly lines (which Tube Lines are responsible for). The bad news is that of those 22 days, only one was on the Northern Line (14 Jubilee, 7 Piccadilly).

There is much work to be done if the poor old Northern is to lose its Misery Line tag.

Still, it is not all bad news. Though performance targets were missed, Tube Lines did hit its other three contractual targets: fault rectification of service points, facilities and ambience. Yes, ambience. Ambience in a restaurant, yes; in a bar, ok; but on the Tube?

According to a Tube Lines spokesman: "Ambience is a measure of the travel environment, encompassing the cleanliness of trains, stations and tunnels, and levels of customer information."

No music or candlelight, then. Shame. A bit of music on the Tube might be a nice idea. D:ream's 1993 hit Things Can Only Get Better would be a good one to start with.